Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:icontoadjacara: More from ToaDJacara



More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
June 8, 2012
File Size
4.5 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
2,177
Favourites
17 (who?)
Comments
33
×
My Little Bionicle: The 13 Elements

Ch1

One day in Equestria at Ponyville, it seemed like a normal day.

"So Twilight is anything happening this week?" asked Spike a small purple dragon with green spikes, to a purple unicorn with purple eyes, purple hair with pink/purple stripes, and a spark surround by smaller sparks for a cutie mark.

"Not much from what I know Spike." Twilight Sparkle replied browsing through the books in her library."We should see what the others are doing in a bit."  
Her friends Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Rarity were probably going about their daily lives.

After awhile Twilight and Spike left the library to walk around Ponyville. At one point they were approached by a pink Earth pony with poofy dark pink hair, bright blue eyes, and three balloons for a cutie mark.
"Hey Twilight! Hey Spike!" She said cheerfully hopping over to them playfully."What's up?"

"Not much Pinkie Pie." Twilight replied with a half smile, with Spike riding on her back."Spike and I are just walking around."

Suddenly Pinki Pie started to shake various body parts, they remembered that she had a strange sense for things, like her tail twitched, that meant something was gonna fall.

"What is it Pinkie?" Spike asked as they watched the pink pony, kept shaking for a few moments.

"I don't know, I've never felt anything like it before,"Pinkie Pie answered a little uncertain, as she kept shuddering for a few more seconds than stopped."It's telling me that something is gonna happen near Sweet  Apple Acres!"

Sweet Apple Acres is the apple orchid located near Ponyville.  Applejack lived there with her big brother Big Macintosh, her little sister Applebloom and Granny Smith. Other crops were grown there too.
"You think it is something bad?" Spike asked with a shrug.

"I don't know..." Pinkie replied than suggested."Let's go check it out!"

Before Twilight could say anything, Pinkie Pie immediately started galloping out of Ponyville,
the unicorn sighed and chased after her. "Hold on Spike!"
The small purple dragon obeyed and held on tightly her mane as she ran out of Ponyville following Pinkie Pie to Sweet Apple Acres.
They were concerned about Applejack and hoped that she was all right.      


***
At the island of Mata Nui the Toa Nuva were near Ga-Wahi accompanied by two Matoran. Jaller a red/yellow Ta-Matoran captain of the Guard in Ta-Koro, and Hahli a blue Ga-Matoran Chronicler were with them.

There has been reports of Rahi in the area of Ga-Wahi, that have been terrorizing Matoran and Turaga Nokama had asked them to keep them under control.

"Why can't we windfly?" Lewa Nuva the emerald green Toa of Air asked while doing a handstand, he wasn't used to walking.

"Because we don't know if Rahkshi are around or not." Tahu Nuva the ruby red Toa of Fire interrupted, usually like always he had a short fuse.

"But will make things hurryfaster and quick-done." Lewa answered flipping back onto his feet.

"Calm down brothers." Gali Nuva the sapphire blue Toa of Water said firmly." Tahu is right we need to cautious. Right Kopaka?"

Kopaka Nuva the white/silver Toa of Ice gave her a cold glare and nod.

"It never hurts to speak up and answer Gali," Pohatu Nuva the copper/bronze Toa of Stone retorted." It helps us remember you're around."
He and Onua Nuva the black Toa of Earth pounded each other's fist at his little joke.

Kopaka ignored that, while Takanuva the gold/white Toa of Light chuckled a little with his two Matoran friends.

Gali than said in a firm tone."We need to have our Unity and be ready in case the Makuta strike."
"The sooner we find out what's going on the better." Tahu Nuva said.

After several minutes of searching around the area,  the Toa almost thought it was a wild Gukko chase, than Hahli called out from nearby facing a strange hole in the ground that wasn't there before.
"Hey Toa! Look what I found over hhhheeeeeerrrreeeee!!!" The Ga-Matoran's words were caught off as she fell into the hole!
Jaller immediately ran and jumped into it after her, Tahu rushed in after him, quickly followed by Gali, Takanuva, Pohatu, Onua, Kopaka, and Lewa.

The Toa Nuva and the Matoran continued to fall down the hole, then they saw a bright rainbow light...
Special thanks to :iconblazikenking: and :iconthereadingaddict: for the title suggestion, even though I changed it slightly.

Ok main I did this for a few reasons, mainly because I hardly find any Bionicle Mlp fanfics that are decent.
I also had a weird dream about the subject and this is the result.
Please comment :iconcommentplz:

Don't expect another Chapter for awhile, I'm still working on other stuff too. Anyway in the next chapter the Toa Nuva and the Matoran arrive at Equestria.

Next ch:
ToaDJacara.deviantart.com/art/…

My Little Pony:FiM belongs to Hasbro and Lauren Faust.

Bionicle belongs to LEGO.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmetagrossfreak:
Metagrossfreak Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I like where this is going, but it could use a few minor edits. By the time My Little Pony started, Bionicle ended, so Hahli and Jaller should not be matoran anymore, seeing as they are Toa Mahri. If this takes place after Takanuva's creation, the Rahi are no longer being controlled by Makuta, so there is no need for seven Toa to protect against a few stray Rahi. I'm not sure WHEN this story takes place. These are minor anachronisms that aren't vital to the story, but keeping with canon keeps the narrative flowing smoothly.
My final nitpick is your characters' physical descriptions. For example, there's nothing wrong with describing Spike as a small purple dragon, but going into such excessive detail for every character gets tiring after a while. People who read fanfiction are already familiar with the characters, so describing appearances to the reader when nothing has changed is like telling us we know nothing. I would instead post something in your description recommending characters do outside research if they are unfamiliar with your cast.
Reply
:iconthereadingaddict:
THEREADINGADDICT Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014
Hmmmm... not bad. Could use some improvement in some areas, like the dialouge. It doesn't seem OOC, just a little forced.

"It never hurts to speak up and answer Gali," Pohatu Nuva the copper/bronze Toa of Stone retorted." It helps us remember you're around." This part right here is probbably the best line, and even seems like it could have been from one of the actual books so there is definatly potential here.

Also, if you're still looking for a title, might I suggest My Little Pony: Thirteen Elements. I think it's fairly catchy and it refferences the fact that there are thirteen elementally associated heroes, the seven Toa Nuva and the EoH.
Reply
:icontoadjacara:
ToaDJacara Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2014
Um I might use that thanks for idea :D
Reply
:iconthereadingaddict:
THEREADINGADDICT Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
You're welcome:) (Smile) 
Reply
:iconmikkillerib:
Mikkillerib Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
interesting. well written and definitely got my attention.
Reply
:iconmickey-the-luxray:
Mickey-the-Luxray Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I think maybe you elaborated too much on the characters at the beginning. It would be better if you spread out the descriptions over time, so things get revealed as you go on. Otherwise, cool concept. With a bit of editing, I bet you could put this on FIMFiction and SHAKE THE FEATURE BOX
Reply
:icontaranuka:
Taranuka Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Student Photographer
Interesting, very interesting story.
Reply
:iconbiojal:
biojal Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2012
good
Reply
:icontoadjacara:
ToaDJacara Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2012
Thanks :)
Reply
:icongarciarael:
garciarael Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2012
Okay. I think this is gonna work out.
Reply
Add a Comment: